... is music. It's the main source of adrenalin, love, inspiration, and any high emotion. Another addiction? Don't know. You can't get addicted to music, you just live it. Perhaps I came to this after too many days of feeling like a cloud. I've been a stormcloud, I've been a fluffy white cloud, but I've been losing control and I've failed to see anything worth living for. I realise the only time I feel ... real and living is when I sing.
I've heard and seen what pop culture has done to this world. I could easily adapt but I'm not a part of it. I'm glad I know people who are passionate about music, real emotions and life - as something beautiful. I wanna be like them, I hope I will one day. A clean, clear mind and a big heart - so few have it, and I'm only trying, learning to think about others more than myself. One more thing I have to learn,...
I've been told time and time again that I can't be everything I wish to be and I need to choose one main purpose in life. Well, I've made my decision. I will not entirely give up design, painting, dancing, drawing and writing, but what I'm gonna focus on is my singing and my music. It's the only thing that really excites me (apart from human beings perhaps - but only the beautiful ones who make something worthy of this life, and there's so few of them I really want to protect them). So, if I post fewer things around here, forgive me. I will be around. Since I was a kid I've wanted to do photography - edited, designed, crazy photography, yes - and when I have the means to do it I might start it all over. Delete the things I don't like and post stuff I'm proud of. My inspiration comes in images, ones that require photos rather than paintings, I've just been doing the latter to fill the gap. This feels like a revelation, I'm trying to fix my life and my mind, I've been seeing strange dreams and thinking nasty thoughts lately, I should stop it. I have a couple of suicidal songs in the making, I'll post them when they're ready, just... someone protect me from what I want, or I may not have a chance to regret it.
Well, now it's an unlawful amount of studying tonight and a shuriken "party" on Sunday for me. Cheers.
Love, Sweetness and Bitterness,